I Surprise Myself

This Journey is enlightening. I get insights into myself.

About 3 weeks ago, I looked up "Carcinoid Tumor" on the computer as this is what is living, attached to my upper bowel, inside of me. I was able to read about enough to tell me that it wasn't good, but wasn't bad either. I could not read, causes, symptoms, treatment, or anything else, ... I simply could not. This evening, I took another run at it with no shaky stomach, no fears. I was able to read that I may live 5 years, that there will be no chemo, and many interesting facts about this tumor. How on earth can I calmly think of what I read as "interesting facts", but they were.

While I was in High School, I was anxiously waiting until I could take Biology and Zoology. I wanted to be a veterinarian. Because I changed schools, I missed both of these courses, ... I know I would have passed both with flying colours. When a medical situation arises in my life, I want to know all the facts involved, ... I likely have too many questions for my doctor. I actually wish I could watch the surgery that will take place on the 9th of March. I am not afraid of what is ahead, and I will be even less likely to be afraid, the more I know about this tumor. What I read to-day I find fascinating. Many of these tumors in people are only found after they die, during an autopsy, ... they are very common.

I have 2 weeks to go and my biggest concern is that I don't catch a cold and have to have this surgery postponed.