Things can change, ... suddenly. To-day is a different day. Up until to-day, I have been strong, ... I have been strong and thought I would be strong all through this, but to-day I have had a small crash.
Elvin woke this morning with what he called, not feeling well. At 8:10 I took his blood pressure which was way too high, .... he stayed in the lazy-boy, and I took his pressure periodically until half an hour later it was acceptable. However, since the heart attack and since yesterday when he could not complete 6 circles of the walking track at the arena as he has been able to do for awhile, and had to sit down twice, I thought it would be best to have him checked out at the Emergency.
I left him to get a coffee, and go home and take my medication, and call 3 of my children and a few friends, and lost it. I was counting on staying strong, for me and for everyone.
I returned to the hospital to give him his cell phone and a book and suddenly began to not feel well myself, so I am home and will put my feet up, ... but I have weakness in my arms and shoulders, and I know this is not good. I it is not good because I will be having surgery and at that time, I will need a strong heart and good blood pressure, ... and inner strength.
We are both stressed about the other, both concerned about the other, likely bringing on stress symptoms. Elvin knowing that we have 4 trips to Hamilton in the next 2 weeks, the final one for the surgery, certainly is a concern to him. His wife died of cancer, .... a girl friend died of cancer, and now what can he possibly think, ... we don't want to lose each other. I am still optimistic, but surprised and disappointed with myself to see how close to the edge I am.
My daughter-in-law will be with me for the surgery, and Elvin if he is OK, and I have friends who I know are there for me.
Elvin will be able to come home about 6:00 pm if all continues to go well, ... and I am confident it will, his vital signs are good, and another blood test isn't due for another 3 hours.
Just now, I really need to go and lie down myself, ... I know this spot of weakness will pass. This is another speed bump in the journey.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
I Surprise Myself
This Journey is enlightening. I get insights into myself.
About 3 weeks ago, I looked up "Carcinoid Tumor" on the computer as this is what is living, attached to my upper bowel, inside of me. I was able to read about enough to tell me that it wasn't good, but wasn't bad either. I could not read, causes, symptoms, treatment, or anything else, ... I simply could not. This evening, I took another run at it with no shaky stomach, no fears. I was able to read that I may live 5 years, that there will be no chemo, and many interesting facts about this tumor. How on earth can I calmly think of what I read as "interesting facts", but they were.
While I was in High School, I was anxiously waiting until I could take Biology and Zoology. I wanted to be a veterinarian. Because I changed schools, I missed both of these courses, ... I know I would have passed both with flying colours. When a medical situation arises in my life, I want to know all the facts involved, ... I likely have too many questions for my doctor. I actually wish I could watch the surgery that will take place on the 9th of March. I am not afraid of what is ahead, and I will be even less likely to be afraid, the more I know about this tumor. What I read to-day I find fascinating. Many of these tumors in people are only found after they die, during an autopsy, ... they are very common.
I have 2 weeks to go and my biggest concern is that I don't catch a cold and have to have this surgery postponed.
About 3 weeks ago, I looked up "Carcinoid Tumor" on the computer as this is what is living, attached to my upper bowel, inside of me. I was able to read about enough to tell me that it wasn't good, but wasn't bad either. I could not read, causes, symptoms, treatment, or anything else, ... I simply could not. This evening, I took another run at it with no shaky stomach, no fears. I was able to read that I may live 5 years, that there will be no chemo, and many interesting facts about this tumor. How on earth can I calmly think of what I read as "interesting facts", but they were.
While I was in High School, I was anxiously waiting until I could take Biology and Zoology. I wanted to be a veterinarian. Because I changed schools, I missed both of these courses, ... I know I would have passed both with flying colours. When a medical situation arises in my life, I want to know all the facts involved, ... I likely have too many questions for my doctor. I actually wish I could watch the surgery that will take place on the 9th of March. I am not afraid of what is ahead, and I will be even less likely to be afraid, the more I know about this tumor. What I read to-day I find fascinating. Many of these tumors in people are only found after they die, during an autopsy, ... they are very common.
I have 2 weeks to go and my biggest concern is that I don't catch a cold and have to have this surgery postponed.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Date for Surgery
This my second attempt at this post, ... the first just didn't work, and this one will not be the same, ... my first attempt is usually the easiest.
The surgeon called to-day with the date for surgery, ... it will be March 9th or 10th, ... he is calling again on Monday with more details. This will also give me time to have a few questions ready that have come to mind since his call. One will be, what type of surgery will this be, ... open or laparoscopic, ... I would prefer the latter. Another question is how long should the recovery time be, ... the stay in the hospital.
The surgery will include a liver biopsy, and the removal of a section of upper bowel to which the carcinoid tumor is attached. My dearest wish is that this tumor is benign and that the liver biopsy shows no invasion of this tumor into the liver, if the tumor is cancerous. How does one stay calm with these thoughts trying to push to the forefront of my mind throughout the day.
The one thought that I have never given voice to, but that niggles at the back of my brain and heart is will I survive the surgery. It will not be like having a sliver removed and I am not a young woman. I do consider myself basically healthy, ... no diabetes, no high blood pressure, but I do have a small heart problem, and I do have sleep apnea.
This will be a longer journey than I ever anticipated. However, ... I have loving, caring supportive friends and family, and for that I am supremely grateful.
The surgeon called to-day with the date for surgery, ... it will be March 9th or 10th, ... he is calling again on Monday with more details. This will also give me time to have a few questions ready that have come to mind since his call. One will be, what type of surgery will this be, ... open or laparoscopic, ... I would prefer the latter. Another question is how long should the recovery time be, ... the stay in the hospital.
The surgery will include a liver biopsy, and the removal of a section of upper bowel to which the carcinoid tumor is attached. My dearest wish is that this tumor is benign and that the liver biopsy shows no invasion of this tumor into the liver, if the tumor is cancerous. How does one stay calm with these thoughts trying to push to the forefront of my mind throughout the day.
The one thought that I have never given voice to, but that niggles at the back of my brain and heart is will I survive the surgery. It will not be like having a sliver removed and I am not a young woman. I do consider myself basically healthy, ... no diabetes, no high blood pressure, but I do have a small heart problem, and I do have sleep apnea.
This will be a longer journey than I ever anticipated. However, ... I have loving, caring supportive friends and family, and for that I am supremely grateful.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
They're Creeping Back
For a few days, I have been able to keep the negative thoughts away, ... and it has been good. I convinced myself, that everything would turn out fine, ... that whatever was growing inside me was very small, .. could be removed easily,... that by talking to them, I had at least shrunk the spots on my liver, ( I am a believer in this possibility). However, to-day, even though it is a gloriously sunshiny day with about a foot of sparkly, fresh snow on the ground, which usually fills me with joy, my stomach and chest have that anxiousness. I'm trying to think what started this again, ... but can't, unless it is the fact that I have an appointment in 2 days with the surgeon. I have been wanting Monday to hurry and get here and to know when the surgery, if that is what is next, will be.
I have 2 discs with all the information from the CAT-scans, X-rays, and MRI in the car ready to take with me on Monday. I didn't know technology had made this possible. I only had to go to my X-ray department at the hospital and they were ready in 10 minutes. This must be a time-saver for doctors for sure.
I will banish the nerves somehow to-day. Must get the muffins out of the oven.
I have 2 discs with all the information from the CAT-scans, X-rays, and MRI in the car ready to take with me on Monday. I didn't know technology had made this possible. I only had to go to my X-ray department at the hospital and they were ready in 10 minutes. This must be a time-saver for doctors for sure.
I will banish the nerves somehow to-day. Must get the muffins out of the oven.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Great Day
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
One of my favourite days, ... the birthday lunch. There are 12 of us, ... all old High School friends. We have breakfast together on the first Tuesday of the month, and lunch at the "Birthday Girl's" choice of place in the month of her birthday. This was Joy's day. It is always great to be together.
I enjoyed a very small lunch, that is all I eat anymore, ... afraid to eat too much and by now, my stomach has shrunk enough, that I don't want to eat. However, I have been in a better frame of mind to-day and slept very well last night, .. with no negative thoughts. On one of these tense days, I found myself sitting in the lazy-boy with my shoulders up around my ears with stress. I decided it was time for a relaxing massage with my good friend Freda. We talk a lot, and are on the same wave-length about many things spiritual, ... she is good for me. She recommended a book called, "As a Man Thinketh" by James Allen and I remembered that this was a book my dad had among his books. My dad was a wonderful man, ... but that is another story.
Tomorrow is another day, ... I plan to make it a positive one, ... send good thoughts to my liver, ... tell it to smarten up, ... get healthy, ... that I need it.
One of my favourite days, ... the birthday lunch. There are 12 of us, ... all old High School friends. We have breakfast together on the first Tuesday of the month, and lunch at the "Birthday Girl's" choice of place in the month of her birthday. This was Joy's day. It is always great to be together.
I enjoyed a very small lunch, that is all I eat anymore, ... afraid to eat too much and by now, my stomach has shrunk enough, that I don't want to eat. However, I have been in a better frame of mind to-day and slept very well last night, .. with no negative thoughts. On one of these tense days, I found myself sitting in the lazy-boy with my shoulders up around my ears with stress. I decided it was time for a relaxing massage with my good friend Freda. We talk a lot, and are on the same wave-length about many things spiritual, ... she is good for me. She recommended a book called, "As a Man Thinketh" by James Allen and I remembered that this was a book my dad had among his books. My dad was a wonderful man, ... but that is another story.
Tomorrow is another day, ... I plan to make it a positive one, ... send good thoughts to my liver, ... tell it to smarten up, ... get healthy, ... that I need it.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
beginnings
My journey began on November 1, 2009. I woke at 5:00 a.m. with pain in my upper abdomen radiating from one side to the other. For about 2 weeks prior to this, I had noticed that my stomach was becoming distended at a rate much more quickly than would be normal for the amount of food that I was eating. Knowing that warm water could relieve stomach pain, at about 7 a.m. I had a mug of lemon and honey in just that. Shortly thereafter, I lost the warm water and the pain stayed with me for the rest of the day. Later in the afternoon, my temperature began to rise, and I again was sick to my stomach. We , my husband Elvin and I, decided that it would be a good idea to have this checked out, and so we made a trip to the Emergency (now called a UCC) where I was looked after very quickly and it was determined that I had a bowel blockage. I was hooked up to an intravenous, given an X-ray that verified the blockage, and was admitted to hospital. I was given pain medication, medication to relieve the gas, and antibiotics On day 2 of my stay, I was taken to Greater Niagara General Hospital for a CAT-scan that verified the findings of the X-ray, ... a blockage in the area of the valve between the large and small bowel.
You are allowed 2 days in a hospital here in Fort Erie and so I was shipped to Welland by Patient Transfer to see a surgeon who was to give me a colonoscopy hopefully followed by surgery. This surgeon after a minimal examination declared that I had gastroenteritis, not a blockage and took me off all medication. I was having clear liquids to eat. When first in Emergency, there were no bowel sounds, in other words, nothing was moving. About day 2, bowel sounds finally began to be heard by stethoscope and this was the beginning of diarrhea that lasted for about 10 days. On the day I was to be discharged, the surgeon in Welland decided that perhaps another CAT-scan should be done, ... "just to make sure". What do you suppose they found, ... sure enough, a confirmation of the first CAT-scan. I was discharged on a Thursday being told that the surgeon was arranging for an MRI and would call me. There was no call until the following Wednesday, by which time I had seen my own doctor in Fort Erie who had attended me while I was in hospital there and asked him to arrange for a surgeon preferably in Hamilton, however, he made an appointment for me with a surgeon in St.Catharines for December 22, ... 1 month and 22 day from the beginning of the problem.
On December 26, Elvin had a small heartattack and spent 9 day in Niagara Falls Hospital, 4 of those days in Emergency on a gurney on a very thin mattress before finally being moved to another room, and then another room, and finally to Hamilton for an angiogram and to have a stent put in. This has been a very stressful 3 months for both of us.
The surgeon in St. Catharines set up an appointment for January 4 for a colonoscopy at St. Catharines General Hospital, ( note we have now covered 4 hospitals in the peninsula) and an MRI on January 5 at Niagara Falls Hospital, known hereafter as GNGH. The results of these tests I received on January 15 and on that day I began my journal with the title, MY JOURNEY. The results of the MRI, indicated the possibility that the mass behind my bowel could possibly be cancerous, and that I had lesions on my liver. I told the surgeon that I wanted the surgery done in Hamilton and would he please get in touch with someone there, which he did. This surgeon wants to do a liver scan, and apparently this cannot be done here in the Niagara Peninsula. I have an appointment now with a Dr. Marcaccio at McMaster Hospital on February 1. Tomorrow morning I am calling him to see if that appointment and the liver scan can please be done on the same day, and surgery, very, very soon.
I find writing out feelings is very cathartic, ... please bear with me and keep me company on my journey. What I have given you is background to where I am to-day.
You are allowed 2 days in a hospital here in Fort Erie and so I was shipped to Welland by Patient Transfer to see a surgeon who was to give me a colonoscopy hopefully followed by surgery. This surgeon after a minimal examination declared that I had gastroenteritis, not a blockage and took me off all medication. I was having clear liquids to eat. When first in Emergency, there were no bowel sounds, in other words, nothing was moving. About day 2, bowel sounds finally began to be heard by stethoscope and this was the beginning of diarrhea that lasted for about 10 days. On the day I was to be discharged, the surgeon in Welland decided that perhaps another CAT-scan should be done, ... "just to make sure". What do you suppose they found, ... sure enough, a confirmation of the first CAT-scan. I was discharged on a Thursday being told that the surgeon was arranging for an MRI and would call me. There was no call until the following Wednesday, by which time I had seen my own doctor in Fort Erie who had attended me while I was in hospital there and asked him to arrange for a surgeon preferably in Hamilton, however, he made an appointment for me with a surgeon in St.Catharines for December 22, ... 1 month and 22 day from the beginning of the problem.
On December 26, Elvin had a small heartattack and spent 9 day in Niagara Falls Hospital, 4 of those days in Emergency on a gurney on a very thin mattress before finally being moved to another room, and then another room, and finally to Hamilton for an angiogram and to have a stent put in. This has been a very stressful 3 months for both of us.
The surgeon in St. Catharines set up an appointment for January 4 for a colonoscopy at St. Catharines General Hospital, ( note we have now covered 4 hospitals in the peninsula) and an MRI on January 5 at Niagara Falls Hospital, known hereafter as GNGH. The results of these tests I received on January 15 and on that day I began my journal with the title, MY JOURNEY. The results of the MRI, indicated the possibility that the mass behind my bowel could possibly be cancerous, and that I had lesions on my liver. I told the surgeon that I wanted the surgery done in Hamilton and would he please get in touch with someone there, which he did. This surgeon wants to do a liver scan, and apparently this cannot be done here in the Niagara Peninsula. I have an appointment now with a Dr. Marcaccio at McMaster Hospital on February 1. Tomorrow morning I am calling him to see if that appointment and the liver scan can please be done on the same day, and surgery, very, very soon.
I find writing out feelings is very cathartic, ... please bear with me and keep me company on my journey. What I have given you is background to where I am to-day.
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