Every night is the same.
All I do is go over every minute from the time Elvin and I were in the garden on that Monday, until he died 15 days later.
It should never have happened, I am convinced. The 2 days in Emergency in Niagara Falls, were the beginning of the end. After he finally was transferred to ICU on Thursday morning at 3, ... he was unable to communicate, was unable to breathe without a mask and finally a ventilator.
I watched everyday as he slipped further and further away. He had morphine for pain, ... but did anyone know where the pain was. He was sedated so that he would not struggle, ... but why was he struggling. He was given massive doses of antibiotics that did not work and were started too late. I am not supposed to be angry, ... but I am.
I lost my rock, ... my leveler, ... the man who was a joy to live with every single day, ... we could laugh together, ... I could make him laugh,... life was good and happy. I was so fortunate to have been able to be with him for the 7 years we did have.
The Premier, the Minister of Health, Juanita Gledhill, Debbie Sevenpifer, ... these are the ones responsible for the conditions in our shrinking hospitals that make tragedies like my husband's death possible.
This is not over, ... the mess these people have left the Niagara Peninsula's health care in has to be made right. They have to listen to the doctors and nurses who are fighting for what they know has been taken away and must be returned.
While I still hoped Elvin could fight his way through those horrible 2 weeks, I could sleep. It was an emotionally exhausted sleep, but it was sleep. Anger isn't allowing sleep, ... anger is destructive, ... I know I have to let go of anger, ... in the daytime that is possible, ... there are things to do. When I lie down at night all I can do is think, and wish for that wonderful warm hand to hold mine again.
I go to bed trying to make sense of all this, and I wake up doing the same.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Thursday, June 3, 2010
We Wait
We did not make it to Hamilton. Elvin is too sick to be transported. He has a lung infection.
I am home and emotionally exhausted. When we went to his room in ICU, ...he was moved there as of this morning at 3 AM, we were told he had had a bad night. There was a cool, wet,white wash cloth on his forehead as he has a high fever, and an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose and his breathing was laboured. It remained laboured all day with his heart rate bouncing from 103 to 120. I stood and willed those numbers to change and prayed for God's intervention, ... and they remained the same. I could not stop the tears.
This is a strong man, ... strong of heart and strong of character. It is wrong to see him this way, ... I want to breath for him,... to give his heart a rest
His 4 sons were there to-day, ... they each were shocked, and devastated to see their father so vulnerable. There were tears. He told them each he loved them and to them this meant he was saying good-bye. I don't feel this way yet as at one point he asked me, "How long will I be here?" These are the words of someone still fighting.
Antibiotics were ordered from the hospital pharmacy at 10:30 AM, ... they arrived 3 hours later. That is too long a wait for a very ill 77 year old man with fluid on his lungs and severe coronary artery problems, ... but the NHS and the LHIN will not hear this. BUT, ... they are going to hear it!!!!! Somehow they have to stop pouring our money into a Mega Hospital and take care of the people left behind. This is one concern of my husband's doctor in the hospital, that so much money will be spent on the new St. Catharines P3 hospital that there will be none left to fund the 3 remaining ones that are just limping along now.
There is so much more to say, but this has been another very hard day and I am very tired once again.
Elvin's second son called me on his way home to Stouffville at 7:30 after visiting his Dad once more to-day, ... he had a very hard time talking through tears, ... he has very bad feelings about his Dad's survival. I did my best to reassure him and will call him tomorrow. I hope I have very good news.
I am home and emotionally exhausted. When we went to his room in ICU, ...he was moved there as of this morning at 3 AM, we were told he had had a bad night. There was a cool, wet,white wash cloth on his forehead as he has a high fever, and an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose and his breathing was laboured. It remained laboured all day with his heart rate bouncing from 103 to 120. I stood and willed those numbers to change and prayed for God's intervention, ... and they remained the same. I could not stop the tears.
This is a strong man, ... strong of heart and strong of character. It is wrong to see him this way, ... I want to breath for him,... to give his heart a rest
His 4 sons were there to-day, ... they each were shocked, and devastated to see their father so vulnerable. There were tears. He told them each he loved them and to them this meant he was saying good-bye. I don't feel this way yet as at one point he asked me, "How long will I be here?" These are the words of someone still fighting.
Antibiotics were ordered from the hospital pharmacy at 10:30 AM, ... they arrived 3 hours later. That is too long a wait for a very ill 77 year old man with fluid on his lungs and severe coronary artery problems, ... but the NHS and the LHIN will not hear this. BUT, ... they are going to hear it!!!!! Somehow they have to stop pouring our money into a Mega Hospital and take care of the people left behind. This is one concern of my husband's doctor in the hospital, that so much money will be spent on the new St. Catharines P3 hospital that there will be none left to fund the 3 remaining ones that are just limping along now.
There is so much more to say, but this has been another very hard day and I am very tired once again.
Elvin's second son called me on his way home to Stouffville at 7:30 after visiting his Dad once more to-day, ... he had a very hard time talking through tears, ... he has very bad feelings about his Dad's survival. I did my best to reassure him and will call him tomorrow. I hope I have very good news.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Poorest Health Care in the Province
The journey is not for the faint of heart. Not the journey with Cancer, but the journey into old age, ... especially considering the state of health care in the province of Ontario...
Elvin is in hospital, ... Niagara Falls Hospital again, ... the place I dread the most and again, he is on a gurney in the Emergency. He is waiting to go to Hamilton for an angiogram following an episode of rising blood pressure, rising heart rate, and chest pain. He has been there since yesterday evening, ... very very tired and obviously unwell. He was seen by an internist at 4:30 this afternoon, a student had seen him earlier to do the preliminary questioning.
The Yellow Shirt Brigade, made up mostly of Seniors, has drawn attention to the poor health care in the Niagara Peninsula particularly, over the past 2 years. To-day we were again at Queens' Park drawing attention to our plight, ... I was to go, but would not leave Elvin at the mercy of inadequate nursing care. I will explain.
1. When we arrived at the former Emergency in Fort Erie, ... Douglas Memorial Hospital. he was triaged by a very kind and gentle nurse who would by the end of the day finish a 24 hour shift. Would you feel comfortable having her give you your medication, ... start and IV, ... I feel sorry for these women who are overworked to the point of it being to the detriment of patient care.
2. Elvin was fortunate to be hooked up to a monitor almost immediately 11:30 AM, however, ... a blood pressure cuff, necessary to monitor the rising blood pressure, could not be found, ... until 5 PM. And the Niagara Health System cuts our nurses, cuts our supplies and maintains that they have everything under control.
3. On arriving at the Niagara Falls hospital at 8:30 PM, he was placed on a gurney in the Emergency where he will likely stay, as he did the last time, for 3 or 4 days as there are no beds. The Niagara Health System has cut beds as they have cut nurses and services. A staff doctor asked a few questions and listened to his heart. My husband is on the maximum medications for his coronary heart disease. To-day when I went to visit, his blood pressure was rising as was his heart rate, ... when it got to 210/107 and his heart rate was 100, I went to the desk to suggest that perhaps they should come and do something.. A nurse came, and said they had not given him his medication and that is why it was so high, ... I would like to say I was dumbfounded, but rather was not surprised at all, ... this is par for the course at Greater Niagara General Hospital. They put the medicine in his IV and the pressure came down, .... some.
4. I called this evening to see if a bed had come available , and of course there wasn't one. I did learn however, that now my husband is running a fever. I am terrified.
It is now 11:15 and I should be in bed, ... however, I know I will not sleep, ...
Elvin is in hospital, ... Niagara Falls Hospital again, ... the place I dread the most and again, he is on a gurney in the Emergency. He is waiting to go to Hamilton for an angiogram following an episode of rising blood pressure, rising heart rate, and chest pain. He has been there since yesterday evening, ... very very tired and obviously unwell. He was seen by an internist at 4:30 this afternoon, a student had seen him earlier to do the preliminary questioning.
The Yellow Shirt Brigade, made up mostly of Seniors, has drawn attention to the poor health care in the Niagara Peninsula particularly, over the past 2 years. To-day we were again at Queens' Park drawing attention to our plight, ... I was to go, but would not leave Elvin at the mercy of inadequate nursing care. I will explain.
1. When we arrived at the former Emergency in Fort Erie, ... Douglas Memorial Hospital. he was triaged by a very kind and gentle nurse who would by the end of the day finish a 24 hour shift. Would you feel comfortable having her give you your medication, ... start and IV, ... I feel sorry for these women who are overworked to the point of it being to the detriment of patient care.
2. Elvin was fortunate to be hooked up to a monitor almost immediately 11:30 AM, however, ... a blood pressure cuff, necessary to monitor the rising blood pressure, could not be found, ... until 5 PM. And the Niagara Health System cuts our nurses, cuts our supplies and maintains that they have everything under control.
3. On arriving at the Niagara Falls hospital at 8:30 PM, he was placed on a gurney in the Emergency where he will likely stay, as he did the last time, for 3 or 4 days as there are no beds. The Niagara Health System has cut beds as they have cut nurses and services. A staff doctor asked a few questions and listened to his heart. My husband is on the maximum medications for his coronary heart disease. To-day when I went to visit, his blood pressure was rising as was his heart rate, ... when it got to 210/107 and his heart rate was 100, I went to the desk to suggest that perhaps they should come and do something.. A nurse came, and said they had not given him his medication and that is why it was so high, ... I would like to say I was dumbfounded, but rather was not surprised at all, ... this is par for the course at Greater Niagara General Hospital. They put the medicine in his IV and the pressure came down, .... some.
4. I called this evening to see if a bed had come available , and of course there wasn't one. I did learn however, that now my husband is running a fever. I am terrified.
It is now 11:15 and I should be in bed, ... however, I know I will not sleep, ...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)