Crash

Things can change, ... suddenly. To-day is a different day. Up until to-day, I have been strong, ... I have been strong and thought I would be strong all through this, but to-day I have had a small crash.

Elvin woke this morning with what he called, not feeling well. At 8:10 I took his blood pressure which was way too high, .... he stayed in the lazy-boy, and I took his pressure periodically until half an hour later it was acceptable. However, since the heart attack and since yesterday when he could not complete 6 circles of the walking track at the arena as he has been able to do for awhile, and had to sit down twice, I thought it would be best to have him checked out at the Emergency.

I left him to get a coffee, and go home and take my medication, and call 3 of my children and a few friends, and lost it. I was counting on staying strong, for me and for everyone.

I returned to the hospital to give him his cell phone and a book and suddenly began to not feel well myself, so I am home and will put my feet up, ... but I have weakness in my arms and shoulders, and I know this is not good. I it is not good because I will be having surgery and at that time, I will need a strong heart and good blood pressure, ... and inner strength.

We are both stressed about the other, both concerned about the other, likely bringing on stress symptoms. Elvin knowing that we have 4 trips to Hamilton in the next 2 weeks, the final one for the surgery, certainly is a concern to him. His wife died of cancer, .... a girl friend died of cancer, and now what can he possibly think, ... we don't want to lose each other. I am still optimistic, but surprised and disappointed with myself to see how close to the edge I am.

My daughter-in-law will be with me for the surgery, and Elvin if he is OK, and I have friends who I know are there for me.

Elvin will be able to come home about 6:00 pm if all continues to go well, ... and I am confident it will, his vital signs are good, and another blood test isn't due for another 3 hours.

Just now, I really need to go and lie down myself, ... I know this spot of weakness will pass. This is another speed bump in the journey.