EMPTINESS

Elvin,... as usual, I am wanting to talk to you, share with you, ... to-night Liz's hurts. There is no one else it is fair to share these with.

I am missing you so very much. I am still so angry at the pain you went through and the unnecessay loss. This is another bad day, ... like there is no joy ahead. My life is on hold until this hip surgery is done, ... I look into the yard and there is no joy there. I haven't felt this way for a very long time. There is no joy anywhere, no purpose. I can't find a purpose until I feel well and I have no idea when that will be, ...or if it will ever be.

I want to hug you, and feel your arms around me, .. to pull me together. You should still be here. I love you.

I wish I could write happy, but it is not in there. I still have no closure, ... I need to scream at someone, ... tell them how angry I am that you are gone, that they are responsible, ... and they are. You were the very best that could happen to me, .. and the best is no more. Now there is nothing, ... just a huge emptiness. I am afraid of this awful nothingness I am dragging behind me every day, .. I need to be rid of it.

I LOVE YOU, ... I MISS YOU, ... I NEED YOU!!!!