Right Hip surgery is 4 weeks in the past and all is well. I am progressing on schedule and feeling more stable of mind each day, not as many highs and lows, but too much time to think. I will be so very happy when I am allowed to drive again. My social life is in the hands of whomever has time to help out. This has been an unwelcome view of what is in the future and so the following.
What has been neglected by me, to prepare myself for this awful loneliness? I know now that I neglected to give my children as sense of responsibility to those less fortunate. Some have that innate sense, but it is something that could have been fostered with trips to visit elderly relatives, not a great joy for kids, but in it would be a realization that their presence can bring joy to someone else: a shopping trip to buy Christmas gifts for those who have no hope of one.
Our world has become so angry and selfish. All this we realize too late. I am lonely to-day, ... it has been grey for days and that doesn't help. If I were able to drive I would be at Breck'n'Ridge for breakfast, except I just realized they aren't open to-day, but on lonely days I would be there just to see the people who smile at you, and to hear friendly voices.
I know who I am, and I am not someone who is a leader or an innovator, or a person who has ever wished to be, but if I were, I would see that that house that the 10 of us have laughingly talked about is built. The one where we all live together and look after each other and have nice airy rooms, share ironing, cooking, cleaning, gardening. Where there is always someone to talk to if you want to talk, and a quiet place to get away to when you don't. If I had been the type of person who made things happen all my life, I know I could do this, it is needed more than the homes where people are tied in their wheel chairs and left in a corner for the day. This is the type of home that encourages people to live, would keep their mind and hopes active. It is so important to let your children know that they are capable of anything, .. don't foster their fears.
See where your mind goes when you are alone and lonely, ... too far into the future. I guess it's called planning.
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