Not feeling well to-day, ... or yesterday afternoon.

Until I knew of the tumor attached to the bowel, ... when I had days like this, I blamed arthritis, ... my hips and lower back would hurt so much I was nauseous. Now, ... I don't know the reason, but my down times blame it on cancer, ... cancer in the liver.

To-day I again did a load of laundry and hung it out as it has been a beautiful day, then, I cut Elvin's hair. The standing was so painful, that I had to stop, lie down and then take a second run at the hair cut. I lay on the couch and slept and rested for the rest of the day, and I have that awful wet newspaper taste in my mouth again.

It is impossible to feel "up" to-day, and negative thoughts are right there, and I know I must stay positive, .... not to-day. I begin to project into the future, how I will feel, how long I have to live, ... not pleasant.

I wonder if it is just that the surgery is now so close, ... just 3 more days.

I can't even clean the house properly, ... one room defeats me and I am down for the day. This isn't my imagination, ... I don't want to feel this way, ... I want to have energy and stamina, ... I have to count on my body and it is letting me down.

It's strange, ... there are times when I feel good, ... can get through the whole day, and lately there are more when I can't.

Tomorrow is Sunday, .. breakfast out, ... check Peggy's plants. She is in Florida. Then a short trip to Buffalo for gas and a few groceries. It is supposed to be about 50 tomorrow and I would like to push myself to walk to the corner with my walking sticks.

We will see what tomorrow brings.